Bitch? You ain't seen nothing yet.
I'm starting a detox on Sunday. It will be just like Celebrity Overhaul, 'cept I can wipe my own arse. (I reserve the celebrity bit, because I was on 'Double Dare' when I was 11. Suck it up people - I got slimed).
Anyway, it's not detoxing in such that I take paste-y stuff in a drink much like this. And I certainly won't be posting poo pictures either. More like cutting out processed foods and eating the right levels of carbs and proteins, and lots of other nutritious stuff that I've totally ignored for the first 20-ish years of my life. However, my nutritionist promises me that if I stick to it for eight weeks, and intensify my kick-boxing, then I can lose about 8 kilos by Christmas. Huzz-fucking-ah!
But you know what that means, don't you? No fucking-microwave-fucking-popcorn. HOW WILL I GO ON?? WHAT'S LEFT IN MY LIFE?? WHAT COULD BE WORSE???
I'll tell you what's worse. No Diet Coke. Bad. DC is my crack, 'yo. I drink it for lunch and for dinner and after dinner and between meals and sometimes if I'm just having one of those mornings I'll crack one open before 12pm. Rebellious much?
My DC addiction is at Betty Ford proportions. I'm already experiencing shakes and sweats, and I'm sitting at my desk drinking the fucking stuff at the moment.
Actually I've been told to expect headaches and tiredness, all of which will make me very irritable. Yay! My favourite. At least now I'll have an excuse when some fuckbag at work asks me a dumb question and I pulverise him to ground yelling "if it's that urgent learn how to use a computer yourself". But who really needs an excuse for that anyway?
Right-o. I'm off to load up on popcorn and peanut m&m's and cheese and bathe myself in DC. Enjoy
8 comments:
Double Dare? Martie, your awesomeness just rose about twelve clicks.
I spent my whole childhood dreaming of going on a kids game show.
Amazing and Now You See It were my faves - what I wouldn't have given to type out a word on a oversized novelty keyboard and then look for letters in a crazy maze.
Ben, you no how on Amazing, at the end, they would play the first level of Mario 3 to see who could get the highest points in 60 seconds?
Well I would constantly race the clock and not only would I beat the high score that the tards on Amazing would get, but I also would get half way thru level 2.
I wasn't that much older than the kids either. The trick is, not trying to get the points on the stupid things. The flag at the end, and the time bonus is what gives you the big points.
Stupid kids. Sucks to be me growing up in NSW.
Giving up DC??? Nooooo, I'm getting a sympathy headache right now!! I wish i could have it fed straight into me via an IV drip!
If I put money down, I know that Caz will go the whole week. Always happens, always. Have I learned my lesson yet? No.
My verification word is "qodusux", read by Mr Dyslexic as "God you suck"
I'm with Hambo on this one Caz, I reckon you'll go all the way. Me being weaker willed and all..hmmm.
And I NEVER wanted to go on Now You See It, because I thought the host-guy was really creepy.
DC is my crack, 'yo. I drink it for lunch and for dinner and after dinner and between meals and sometimes if I'm just having one of those mornings I'll crack one open before 12pm. Rebellious much?
Your addiction's at Betty Ford proportions? Pfffft. I'm having a bad day if I haven't knocked over my first Pepsi Max by 9am.
I mock your addiction...
I raise your mocking Hack -Pepsi Max????
It's a cut and dry case.
Pepsi Max tastes like cola. Diet Coke tastes like black aspartame. I have no real desire to drink diet drinks, but by busted pancreas dictates that sugar is bad, mkay?
Post a Comment