Me and Posh, are like, totally connected...

I read with amusement the news that Posh Spice has never read a book in her life.

Shoot me down with a bundle of sticks people - this is hardly surprising news, is it not?

Now, don't get me wrong. Back in the days of "Who do you think you are" and "Stop", Vicks (we're close, ok?) was probably my fave Spicey. (Incidentally, they are two of the best songs to do action dancing to, ding). But I refuse to believe that she's never actually READ a book. What about school? What about her kids? What about hers and Dave-o's books? She never even checked them out for proof reading???

Reading further down, it becomes apparent that she's planning on terrorising the world with another Beckham offspring. She's crossing her fingers it's a girl; so she can help her with her make-up, choose clothes with her and help her paint her nails. I'm totally there with her. It's always been my dream to let my (hypothetical) five year old dress up like a mini-britney skank, and help her pile on the make up with a trowel. While I'm at it, I daydream about chucking my little girl in a tanning spray booth, just so she can get that perfecto orange look that seems to be the shit for 5 year olds these days.

Oh, get thee to a sperm donar bank, stat.

But since there's no chance of me having kids this side of a blue moon, how do I feed my addiction of dressing up little girls:

Meet Bella the Supermodel.* Vacant stare into the distance. Boho setting, with 'totally now' beads. She is the Hottness.

Posh is gonna be sooooooo jealous.



*NB: No dogs were harmed during the writing of this post. One dog was seriously pissed off because I woke her up and made her put on stupid beads. Another dog was seriously jealous because I didn't let him put on the beads and pose for a photo. I tried to explain that Posh already has boys, but you know, dogs just don't get it. And yes, that is ORIGINAL carpet.