Martie's Weekend Survival Kit
Let's say you were having a pretty shit week, and now it's almost the weekend.
Instead of moping about home, you can purchase my Weekend Survival Kit, and be feeling better in no time!
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1. One pair of new shoes! 
2. One new top, especially made to amp up the cleave factor.
3. One dodgy pub, that you know will be full of randy guys, to wear your new top to.
4. Vast quantity of alcohol.
5. Handy supply of dancing songs.
6. One disco pash - can be extended if required.
7. Three new mobile numbers to flirt with
8. KFC on the way home
9. One vomiting episode
10. A massive fucking hangover the next morning, but at least it will take your mind off Mr Cunty McCuntburger of the previous week.
11. More new shoes.
And there you have it folks. It's the weekend of I don't give a flying fuck. Let's reconvene Monday*, and tick the items that you used.
And, that was the week that was.
* You know it's going to be earlier if Cunty McCuntburger decides to 'end' the 'time-out'.
6 comments:
I want in. Name the dodgy pub that has randy guys AND music to dance to.
Martie, i have the feeling that you live extremely close to us (so close i probably pass you in safeway and don't even know it..) and DEAR GOD, please tell me the dodgy pub you're going to is not the Tudor Inn or Royal Oak.
Class it up mang, and atleast go down to the Edgy to pay your 5 bucks for a beer... (the boys are pretty, though mostly underage)
KATE! Yes - there are so many dodgy pubs with randy guys and music to dance to over in this neck of the woods, it's a veritable smorgies!!!
Mars - No, I stopped going to the Tudor when it became overpopulated with 18 year olds. Something unnerving about drinking next kids I used to look after in After School Care.
And the edgy? Only if I want my men 'pastel'.
Is the new Sandbelt classy enough for you???
Hah! Well, i didn't even know there was a new Sandbelt... I know the old one though, and only 3 short years till they'll let me in there (at last!).
You're right though, plenty of shit pubs down here to choose from.. I'm sure you wont have any trouble at all.
Due to the fact that you're all up and posting this early, I'm guessing that you didn't use ALL the items last night?!
hahahaha royal oak on bridge road???? The only times I have been there oits been full of dirty old men. Give me the undergae babes of the edgy anyday. (note pash and dash material only, although HOT the fact they are all 17 means they need mummy to drive them anywhere.... not cool) The toffy nose hawthorn's geting a bit that way these days too.
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