Sunday, February 17, 2008

Questions Ahoy - or the most VANILLA post evs

So I put my hand up for this over at D's blog, so I'd better get on with it, hey...

Question 1 - Describe your perfect day

Oh god, a hard one first up. So many things that I like to do - but if I was going to describe something that really made me happy - probably a drive down the west coast of Victoria with the man of my dreams, pulling up stumps in a little town along the way and chilling out with a nice bottle of Savvy B, good conversation and watching the sun go down. Follow that up with a nice dinner at the local pub, and a few drinks in the bar while wasting money on the greyhounds at the TAB, then walk back to the cabin / accomodation, for a couple more drinks and great sex. Then the next morning, a home cooked breakfast at the best cafe in town, and some time down the beach, before driving home again.

So, only need to find a man then...

Question 2 - Favourite band/album/gig of all time?

Hmm, of all time? My love for Neil is well documented. But if I was going to pick one band overall, probably Dire Straits. Not very fashionable, I know. But their music just has a way of chilling me out. As for an album - I've done a great job of wearing the No Doubt's Tragic Kingdom, that I'm on to my second copy. Probably just before they hit their commercial straps, it serviced me well through many a teenage dilemma and road trip in my best friend's bluebird. So many many more, but these questions need to be finished this year.

Question 3 - What's your favourite outfit of yours of all time?

Ha ha ha, outfit. I'm happiest in jeans, t-shirts and thongs. Most confident in a sharp suit for work. Favourite outfit of all though. A little black dress that I've had for years - wraps around, good length to just below my knee, great cleavage, little sleeves to hide my disgusting arms, and oh, did I mention it was black? Yeah, that one has got me through a few sexy nights!

Question 4 - What's been your best and worst sexual experience?

Best - eeek, I've only ever had sex with virgins, how can I answer this question? Ha ha. Nah, the best, purely sexual experience, would have been with The Cop (2nd boyfriend). First and last (for now) multiple orgasm. Most intimate? Unfortunately, with the Ex Boy, unfortunately, because he was a cockhead and treated me like shit. I don't really know how to explain that...

Worst - A tie. My first and last one night stand. More awkward sex you could not imagine. Also - the event of Easter weekend last year (go back through my archives if you cannot remember). Not a sexual experience - more of an 'experience', something that I never want to go through again.

Question 5 - Who would you turn for (if anyone)?

In a word. No one. (2 words). Although Catherine Zeta-Jones is gorgeous. And Sophie Ellis Bextor is sexy. So, if it had to be anyone, someone with three names is a good start.

Ok, now there are some rules...

Now it's your turn. If you want to be interviewed, leave me a comment including the words "Interview me." I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions. If you don't have a valid email address on your blog, please provide one. You will update your blog with a post containing your answers to the questions. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Sunday, February 03, 2008

And then I went and got a fringe...

Oh yeah...and I look like some sort of sexy bitch. Or Terri Irwin, take your pick.

God, I'm already annoyed with flicking between channels. This year I've decided that chilling out and watching TV is going to be my 'thing', not in the least because I want to watch Grey's Anatomy with a cat on my lap, eating ice-cream straight from the tub. I'm even filling out a TV diary, so I know exactly what I want to watch and when I have to be home to watch it.

Anyway, my point is that I was flicking between So You Think You Can Dance Australia, and Samantha Who - which was highly annoying. Not quite as annoying as the 12 year old judge on SYTYCDA though. I did moot the possibility of recaps, but all they would say at this point is Hip Hop/Lame judge comment trying to emulate Aus Idol/more Hip Hop/some flailing arms/Natalie Bassingthwaite giggling/more hip hop/crying/more hip hop.

Mmmm, I feel like honey toast. But I have no bread. Or honey. Or a working toaster. And I really should go to bed, I have to get up early now to give me time to do my fringe!

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

You know what...

* I'm sick of stupid women's magazines telling me that I have to wear matching underwear. I don't, and I don't care. What I wear is comfortable, functional, has support and looks great from the outside. Take my clothes off, and it's not some see-thru black lacy number, but I guarantee if I wore something like that, then the boobs would be looking pretty nasty.

* I'm sick of acting as a conduit between men, and my friends. They are three stunning girls, and there is at least 2 guys (per girl) in love with them, and a million more wanting to interrupt our drinks on a Friday night to ask me questions about them. Love them to death, but I'm crazy/jealous and the next guy who asks me their name, if they're single and if they want to go and have a drink with them, without even bothering to introduce themselves to me, I'm going to punch in the throat. Grow some balls, talk to them yourselves.

* I'm sick of the chick next door who has sex so loudly, I can't even concentrate on my dinner. Shut up already, you are not a porn star.

* I'm sick of looking at the clothes dryer in my living room, but have no other choice as there's no room for anything.

* I'm sick of guys that are really shallow.

Other than that, everything's pretty peachy in Martieland. Happy new year, etc.

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Dating is super radical

Oh, Shutup, Weekend Karma Bitch.

Firstly, last night was a chain of events culminating in me wandering around the city and catching my first nightrider, after being used for my cash by someone who then proceeded to go chat another chick up. At q bar of all places, with all 6 people there.

Secondly, was meant to go on date tonight. A real, live, actual date. With a boy. But after I woke up from my disastrous night - an email 'postponing' the date. Riiiiiiiiiiight.

Fuck you, I am going back to work.

Also - am just wondering why all the bands acting as 'guest programmers' on Rage all look so surly and bored? Lighten up dudes, you're on TV. FFS, you won't lose any steet cred if you smile.

And - I'm sick of being treated like a dork because I don't have some HUGE SUPER RADICAL FULLY SICK BRO NEW YEARS EVE PARTY to go to. At this stage, it's pumpkin & almond pasta, a nice bottle of white and Boston Legal DVDs - is that such a crime. Yes apparently it is because I'm not getting mega drunk and running around like the world will cave in if I don't vomit in some NYE rite of passage. Oh, to be cool.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Once you pop you can't stop.

Does anyone remember that candy that used to 'pop' in your mouth?

Well guess what?

It now comes in chocolate! OMGWTFBBQ, yes it does!!!!!!1!

Don't thank me, thank Cadbury. I'm not normally a fan of cadbury chocolate, but this stuff is the shit, fo' shizzle.

So. It's Christmas. I bought myself some ace xmas presents this year - bonus of not having a boyfriend - I can spend all the money/time/effort on myself, and not feel guilty!

I can also drink until my heart is content and not worry about some stupid inlaws or driving anywhere.

Now in honour of the holiday season, all here in Martieland (me, jonathan brown and the fantapants community) would like to wish you a very merry christmas with our annual christmas card:

I get hotter every year

Hope you drink lots, eat lots and steal secret kisses underneath the mistletoe...

Monday, December 17, 2007

Do you think it's a sign that I'm growing up, that I declined an invitation to 'get drunk and go 24 hour Christmas shopping @ Chadstone'?

Yes, yes, I think it is. I mean, maybe eight years ago this would have appealed to me, but now, I'd much rather get drunk and run riot in a dodgy bar.

So not really much of a difference then.

Sweet, so there was no sexytime with any leaving colleagues on Friday; not sure how I really feel about that. Do I care? Don't know. Let's see how often we catch up, or at all. Regardless, it's nearly nine months since ANY sexytime at ALL - is it possible that I will have forgotten all of the necessary moves anyway? What is the longest that you could possibly go? Is there any point, or should I just bury myself in books and not bother to change the sheets on my bed?

OMG What if I forget what a penis looks like?

That is a very demoralising thought

Perhaps I will go drunk 24 shopping after all.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

The Trashbag Returns

Le sigh.

It appears that I have once again failed in my mission to keep this blog active and updated. Not only that, but it also appears that I missed some fabulous comments from last post (james_t, I thank you from the bottom of my heart).

Not a lot has happened since then though. I did celebrate my 28th birthday, which was riotous fun, but sadly culminated in the fact that the next time I want to go out, it will be to the Chelsea Heights Over 28s (No Denim! Free Buffet!)

I did also buy a digital camera. I took said camera to my work christmas party, where I told one of the regional managers to 'open his legs' while I took a photo of him, with the camera. I also fell over numerous times at CQ (crap bar, DO NOT recommend), of which, the incident of me falling down the stairs was captured on camera, and then proceeded to pass out on St Georges Rd in Northcote, which was also caught on camera.

Seriously, knowing those krazee kamera kidz, keep on eye on You-Tube. I might be famous one day.

I also spilt ice cream on my kitchen floor tonight, and bought avocado dip, even though I don't like avocado.


My work crush has resigned and is leaving at the end of next week. Can't quite make up my mind if I'm upset, or if it will be the case of 'out of sight, out of mind'. But boy, he is a good kisser.

I am missing my best friend in Mackay, and my homie in Vancouver. I'm confused about whether I should stay in my current abode, or try to find a shareplace to keep some costs down. Downside - wouldn't be able to walk around naked.

I have smelly feet, and need a remedy. HAS ANYONE GOT A REMEDY?

I am also THOROUGHLY SICK of Delta Goodrem.

So, that's about it for this exciting installment. Tune in next time for the aftermath of going-away-drinks-for-work-crush (Maybe I'll get laid for the first time eight months) and other such hijinks.

Until next time Gadget

PS - Last ever session (hopefully) with psychologist next week. Yay!