Saturday morning blues

Holy Fuck. The countdown is on tonight, approximately 8pm, where it will be ONE WHOLE WEEK since I was dumped. Yay. And what will I be doing at 8pm tonight? Fucking nothing. And what will he be doing? Attending a wedding that we were both meant to go to, where we could have dressed up and slow danced and I wouldn't be feeling this pain that I'm feeling now.

That's not to say that I begrudge him from attending; they are his mates and of course he should attend. I'm just sad that we won't be together.

YES. I am sad. For as much as I used to be frustrated with it all, I was so comfortable, and so happy when I was with him, that it used to outweigh the fact we hardly ever saw each other, or, when he didn't want to see me at Christmas. Blah. And thinking about it now, I couldn't possibly bear to go through all of that awkward stage again with someone else, just to see if I was comfortable with them.

But my brother was pretty good; we were having a chat when I was down the other day, and I mentioned this to him. This was the text message that I got back from him:

"The reward of having someone that actually respects you far outweights going thru the awkward stage, you know that"

And when my brother speaks, I shall listen. So I saved that text message and look at it when I'm down (as opposed to going after work with my new, gay, BFF boys and drinking vodka sunrises until I'm nearly passing out on the train).

And writing this post was carthartic too, because now that I have finished writing, it only steels my determination to stop being upset over the break up, and move on, the bigger and better person.

Only, IT STILL DOESN'T HELP WITH WHAT I'M GOING TO DO TONIGHT (SEE PREVIOUS POST)! I REFUSE TO BE DOING NOTHING AT 8PM.

I might go for a run.