If only we could get Legs to run...

Dear Bladder,

Look, I know that I haven't been as kind to you as I possibly could have been over the years. I do apologise for practising my pelvic floor exercises just a smidge too early in life, and holding onto your contents for far too long. But surely, you understand? Public toilets, are like, eww, gross. Y'know.

And I do apologise for the times when we go out, and drown the vodkas like there's no tomorrow, and I don't relieve you ONCE all night. It's not my fault that I can drink vodka and not have to break the seal. And don't even ask me again to drink beer or wine so you can cop a break. I don't think that Mouth would be too impressed if we vomited entire contents of stomach upon entering the festy women's toilets at various nite-spots around town. Stop thinking of yourself all the time.

But really? Do you have to try and take revenge like this? Revenge is just a fantasy. Shouldn't you, Kidneys and I all be sitting down and trying to sort out a solution to this like the adults that we are? I am already making sacrifices to appease you guys. Even Liver is impressed. Apart from that one slip up on Friday night Saturday morning, Liver said he has been pleased with me, and is going to stick around for another year.

I'm just trying to put us all back in sync. You should be enjoying the 3 litres of water that I'm attempting to drink - it's good news for all of us. IT IS NO REASON TO HOLD ME HOSTAGE IN THE WORK TOILETS ALL GOD DAMN DAY THOUGH, IS IT? IS IT, HUH?

I think I spent more time trying to figure out what that mysterious blue line on the toilet floor was, than actually doing work today. And that's not good for productivity, is it? And when I'm not productive, then what do I get? Cranky. And when I get cranky, what do I do? Drink Diet Coke. Then what are you going to end up with, Bladder? Disgusting by-product from refined sugar. And then I'll hold it in. And in. And in.

So. Hopefully after our little chat you will see the error of your ways, and perhaps put your case forward at regular, evenly spaced out intervals, not like the frenzied piss-fest that I encountered today. I know that we can all live in harmony, it's just going to take some work on all sides.

See you 'round like a Gall Stone (how good is it with those buggers gone?)

Martie xx