COMMUNITY SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
Attention all Phone/Fax users:
If you have one of these appliances, get the fuck out of Australia* now. These god damn fucking machines are the bane of my whole existance and if I have to send one more fax to one, I'm going to mow the whole lot of you down.
If you are one of the dumbfuck users of these machines, HAVE A BIT OF COURTESY and throw the fucking thing out, or get a separate line installed. Do you know how many problems these contraptions cause? No? Let me enlighten you.
Scenario A
Client: "Please fax document through right now; I have a phone fax and I'm turning it over now."
Martie (on phone): "Sure, not a problem."
Martie (off phone): "No worries, I'll just drop EVERYTHING I'm doing just because you're too tight to get a separate line."
Martie (off phone, quizzically): "Why won't the fax go through? WHY?"
Martie (on phone): "Sorry Client, I'm trying to fax through your documentation, but it keeps telling me it's not connecting."
Client: "Oh yes, I had to make a call. Fax it through now."
Martie (on phone): "Sure, not a problem."
Martie (off phone): "Fuck you"
Scenario B
Client: "Please fax document through in 17 minutes and 47 seconds."
Martie (on phone): "Sure, not a problem"
Martie (off phone): "I'll just set my fucking stopwatch, shall I?"
Some 17 minutes and whatever seconds were left later...
Martie (off phone, quizzically): "Why won't this fax go through? WHY?"
Martie (on phone): "Sorry Client, I'm trying to fax through your documentation, but it keeps telling me it's not connecting."
Client: "Oh yes, I forgot to switch it over. Fax it through now."
Martie (on phone): "Sure, not a problem"
Martie (off phone): "Fuck you and your fucking fucked phone/fax"
Scenario C
Client: "Please fax documentation through ASAP to my phone/fax."
Martie (on phone): "Sure, not a problem."
Martie (off phone): "If this doesn't work, I'm going to scream."
Martie (off phone, quizzically): "Why won't this fax go through? WHY?"
Martie (on phone): "Sorry Client, I'm trying to fax through your documentation, but it keeps coming back as busy."
Client: "Oh yes, that's because I've got message bank connected. You'll have to wait until I get home so I can switch it over. I will ring you when I'm ready."
Martie (on phone): "Sure, not a problem."
Martie (off phone): "FUCK FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING TIGHTASS DUMBASS COCKTARD (for Hambo). JUST FUCK RIGHT OFF!
So yes, evil phone/fax users. Run. Run as fast as your stumpy little one line legs can take you. Because trust me, I will hunt down every single phone/fax and destroy them all with bare hands and it will be bad luck if you get in the way defending their honour, because Martie don't take no prisoners.
THIS COMMUNITY SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE LETTERS I,N,S,A,N & E.
*Victoria will do. My phone/fax bounty hunt budget doesn't extend overseas. Or even interstate. Or probably not past the Melb metro area.
5 comments:
lol @ fax.
it's like a retarded expensive version of email.
These would, without a doubt, have to be the most infuriating device in history... fine for the owners of said useless electronics, but hell with a busy signal for anyone who has to try and send something to one of the numb-nuts who can't operate them properly.
I'll join your quest, you can hit Victoria, I'll take South Australia.
I remember once when I got my first Fax Modem, and we were getting a phone call one day that sounded like the interwebs was trying to call me, so I dicided to run the Fax software on the computer to see what would happen the next time the phone rang. I was like OMG OMG Im getting a fax. Who is it from? WTF the council?? LOLOLOLS.
My dad called them up, and told them to stop faxing us as were were not the important internal department they thought we were.
Cocklords.
Try having to call the same person three times in a row to tell them you are faxing them right NOW, and each time they pick up when you are faxing. And each time you call back to tell them you trying to fax them and they just say, "Oh was that you? I thought it was a phone call." Three times in a row!!!!
I sent a fax for the first time in about 3 years just today... cool if you could do it from your mobile
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