I ask two questions, you give me two answers:

Ok. First up. This first question is probably better posed to someone like Lillian Frank, but dear old 'Lil has been giving me the shits lately, so I'm going to ask the wider audience to confirm:

When going to a restaurant, (NOT a cafe, not a 'casual' eatery, but a real-life, grown up restaurant), and you're asked to wear something 'nice', is it appropriate for you to wear; black skate shoes with white socks, jean shorts, and a T-shirt with the words 'STFU University' on it?? Discuss


***


Secondly. Can you be 'attracted' to a number of people, without ever wanting to be with them, or even grab* them, or rip their clothes off in a fit of passion? I realised today that I am attracted to my team leader, but I'd never go there, for a whole host of reasons, the least of all that he is my superior. I just felt funny when he touched me. Discuss.



*Grab - apparently what the kidz are calling kissing these days. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE CONFIRM - I FEEL SO ANTIQUATED.

Martie: Diary of a crazy person

Emergency, Emergency!

The other night, I found that I was unable to masterbate to crappy resolution free intermanet porn until I cleaned my teeth.

What is with that?

Am I some sort of sick, hygenic freak?

Help me.

***

I was reading my archives from this time last year. I was solidly on the detox path, and still pining for the Ex-Fucker.

I'm not quite detoxing at the moment, but still choosing the healthier eating options. At the moment, I'd have to say my favourite part of my body is my shoulders.

I'm not pining for the Ex-Fucker, but must admit I was EXTREMELY FUCKING DRUNK the other night and actually text him. After all I went through to change my number.

He actually guessed it was me, and I text back telling him I was sorry, it was a drunken mistake, and it wouldn't happen again. Seems like it did the trick.

I'm actually not pining for anyone at the moment. Is this good? Yes, yes I think it is. I'm still having casual sex (albeit with the same person), which has graduated into a 'meal' thing (AS IN EATING A MEAL TOGETHER GET YOUR MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTER), but it's not going to go anywhere. Reminds me too much of Jungle Boy.

***

OK, FUCK! It is Jungle Boy. It's a whole sordid story and another post and now I feel embarrassed for admitting it.

Just enjoy your weekend, and join me in congratumalating Desci for the handing of the thesis in today. Hurrah for her. And not about Jungle Boy.

Another hyped-up random question brought to you by Ribena Berry Juice at 12am

Do you think that I could be a brickie?



They make lots of money



They get really tanned

tradies lifestyle, etc.


Apparently we are 'crying out' for brickies; skillz shortages, etc, etc. I need to make a quick buck, thanks to my friend, the Australian Tax Office, and my previous boss' inability to deduct the correct HECS payment.

So, bricks + me = perfect relationship? What do you think?

Cons?


Early starts



Carrying these fuckers around all day



Bricks are generally boring.



Fuck, not such a good idea after all.


Although...


I would give good builders' crack

Such is the way of the world...

An interesting conversation with my boss last week, saw me declaring that I wasn't going to get married, or have babies any time soon.

A)-not worth the hassle - Divorce, etc &
B) - need to find the right partner.

What's the bet that I find the man of my dreams and totally fall in love/get married/start talking kids within the next 12 months? I'm picturing a New Years Eve proposal, non?

That shit always happens to me.

***

Slutty Slut Sluts

Hi,

I recently came to a startling revelation;

Calling someone a slut in the derogatory sense, is not cool.

Sure, in high skool, if Tiffany kissed one boy one week at a party, then kissed another boy the next week at a party, it would be OMG, SLUT! *whisper whisper whisper* "OMG HERE COMES THE SLUT" "Hi Tiff, how lucky are you to kiss..." "SLUT"*

But saying it now, is just...meh.

Most people don't even use it for its original meaning - IE - A girl that sleeps around (NB - Not a dictionary definition. Also, obviously, Boys are Not Sluts, etc). So someone just kissed a guy you liked? Not a slut. Please correct.

Besides, a woman's sexual liberation is growing and growing all the time, to a point where the true meaning of the word slut is growing redundant.

So. I would like to apologise to anyone that I have called a slut. I'm unreservedly sorry.

Especially directed to the young lady that I called a slut in my head about half an hour ago; I don't even know you. Also, my motivation was most likely jealousy, not because you slept with 100 guys in 100 days, etc.

Excellent. I feel better already.

Would you like to take back any slut-calling?


* WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS SCENARIO???
When I was at high school, 'OMG' hadn't even been invented yet. Bad re-enactment, Martie.

Numberzzzzzzzzzzzz

Shit. I give to you...shit, motherfuckers.



1 - is how many times I wore my bathers.

2 - is how many hotdogs I had for my birthday dinner.

3 - is how many failed boxed trifectas I had on the dogs @ Shep before I pulled the pin on Saturday night.

4 - is how many poos I've done today (Tuesday)*

5 - is how many alcoholic units I consumed over the course of the entire weekend (SEE HOW CLEAN LIVING AND SOBER I AM???)

6 - is how many drunk teenagers you need to hang out in the main street, before it can be officially known as the 'drunk teenagers drinking & hanging out spot'.

7 - is the number of times I cried on my birthday because the weather turned had turned crap and there was no sun to be seen for days and it was ruining my 'perfect' holiday.

8 - is the number of goes I had trying to call my mum on the payphone, before I gave up. It has been YEARS since I used a payphone.

9 - is quite possibly the number of years since I used a payphone.

10+ - is the number of hairs left on my vajootz after Thursday night's wax & tan.

23 - is the number of clean pairs of underwear that I took away with me.

16 - is the number of clean pairs of underwear that I brought back with me.

9,999,999 - is the number of flies I had to deal with.

Infinity - is how cool I looked in my 'holiday hat'



* See - I told you I'd give you shit

What WOULD you do for coins???

This girl, apart from being my 'homie', has come out with possibly my favourite line ever in response to some slut who left a retarded comment on her blog:

"It's not like I'm doing anal for coins"

G-old! Not exactly sure what it all means; not all that au fait with the sex industry. BUT. Love it all the same. I think it's the combination of the word 'anal' & 'coins' in a sentence. Heh. 'Coins'.

Anyway. Go visit her. And experience the glory that is anal & coins & trolls. Despite what some grogbloggers spies cunts say, she IS teh hottness!

Hmmm.

Martie's Dad: "Martie! Stop drinking so much!"

Martie: "But Dad, it's not like I'm doing anal for coins".

-

Martie's Boss: Martie! Stop looking at the internet during work hours!"

Martie: "But boss, it's not like I'm doing anal for coins during work hours".

Oh. Slighly obsessed.

***

I should apologise for the confusion (Sorry Enny with my previous posts.

I had intended to post about my bathers buying adventures where it appears that chocolate and aqua lycra renders one's bra size three sizes larger than normal and I attempted to try on this

and after the saleswoman pulled back the curtain, her first comment was "They're a bit in your face, aren't they?".

She also told me to get a spray tan. So guess what I'm doing Thursday night.

***

And this is all in aid of what?? My holiday! I leave Friday, 6am, for the South coast of NSW. Please pray for nice (new-bathers-wearing, spray-tan-showing-off) weather for me.

HAHAHA.

And, to make things even more exciting - MONDAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!

A balloon to celebrate.

So it's birthday holiday of beach, sun, pubs, chicken parmagiana and greyhound betting.

Enjoy!