Woe-gies

I tried my best. Really, I did. But I just couldn't sit through the Woe-gies for any longer than an hour. I only just wandered out to find out who won the Gold Logie (suck shit Bec Cartwright and your greasy haired fiance Ley-ley). So much for my planned review of 'television's night of nights'. However, why don't I walk you through the 'Arrivals' show.

Was it just me, or did they spend an overly long time talking to knobs on the 'white' carpet (BTW - LAME, oh so LAME, Woe-gies organisers)? And what was with the teasers "Coming up next, Bec & Leyton", before every ad-break (and inevitably, it wasn't until after the 100th one that they actually did appear), like they are royalty or something?

Perhaps they should have had a special boobwatch section too; was it just me, or were there some ugly boobs last night?

The "I borrowed Grandma's" award:
Take a bow, Stephanie Mackintosh

Honey. Saggy boosies do not a starlet make. Buy. A. Bra.
The Sugardaddy, with whom I was perving, I mean watching this train wreck was far more impressed than I. "Obviously that's meant to be the natural flow of them." Uh, yeah, 33 years old and still doesn't understand simple gravity laws.

The "Technicolour boobs" award:
Congratulations, Tammin Sursok

Somebody should learn how to blend, blend, blend that bronzer

The "Squishiest Boobs" award:
Blonde American Tart with HUUUUGE lips engaged to stupid fake outback man

Granted, there could have been a whole host of 'celebrities' that could have taken this award, and this picture does not do the squish factor much justice. But really. Don't these people take a look in the mirror before they leave home? Methinks the dress was a little too tight in the first place, and thus resulted in the horrible squish on the sides and in the middle. Go back to America, famewhore.

The "My Boobs had their own invitation" award
No Contest. Madaline West.

Obviously trying to drum up some publicity since her 'stand-up' career tanked.
The big question of the night is 'how did Dee Bliss end up drowning with those things attached?' I'm thinking airbags, people.
Don't even get me started about the hideous strap thing-y running down the middle. Just don't.

Special mentions must also go to Gabrielle Richens
Kimberley Davies
and Natalie Blair (AKA the Gainsville chick) for amping up the cleave factor, and to Sigrid Thornton, who apparently caused a little bit of a nipplegate saga herself.

And if you shocked and awed by the Thorpedo's *ahem* hairdo;

check THIS out. It's worth all the boobs on the white carpet combined.