A Marketer's Dream

So yes, as previously mentioned here on NTT, the Tart was thinking about moving to QLD. And now she has done it. I put her, and my godson on a plane on Monday night (hello HOTT Jetstar gay boys), and that was it. We couldn't even say a proper goodbye; there was just a lot tears and promises - but no goodbyes. Needless to say I have been moping around the house for the last few days, feeling alone and sorry for myself.

However, that is enough soppy shit.

Decided to cheer myself up by going grocery shopping, because god knows I need all those packets of doritos. So off I trundled to the local supermarket, which shall remain nameless, but perhaps it might be a place where other bloggers are employed. Maybe.

So I grabbed my trolley, and set off, working it aisle by aisle. Because tell me there's nothing better than wandering around a supermarket, listening to muzak, and pretending to be starring in an ad for these:

at 8:30pm at night. In fact, I get so excited by it I usually morph into

when I'm shopping. Because it's fun to walk along and play 'spot the opposition price scout' and harrass overworked staff for more easter eggs and make racial assumptions about what someone is going to have for dinner because they are Indian. I am a perky shopper, and I'm proud.

Anyway.

All of these things combine into a pleasant shopping experience for me. So much so, that I don't realise what I'm putting into my trolley, or keep a rough estimate of how much I'm spending. I get excited when I see colourful packets of things, no matter that I may never eat/have use for them, but into the trolley they go. Things on special are good too - because a person living by themselves can never have enough crumpets. One particular special was buy a packet of crumpets, get one free. So I bought two packets - ended up with four (for those of you that didn't pass maths). God knows what a single person is going to do with four packets of crumpets. That had an expiry date of 28/5/05.

My freezer is now very crowded.

Needless to say I was in a bit of shock when I reached the check-out. I had visions of leaving half of my pretty coloured groceries behind. But that was far too 'Dad's spent all the housekeeping at the pokies again' so I had to grin pathetically and hand over my EFTPOS card and try not too look too embarrassed because I forgot my Green 'if-you-don't-use-these-environmentally-friendly-bags-you-will-be-ostracized-from-the-community-and-burn-in-hell-for-eternity-mother-fucker Bags again.

So what exactly did I buy that totalled in the vicinity of $150??? I'll spare you the boring details, but here are some of the things I pulled off my docket when I checked it (such a Mum thing to do).

- Three packets of plain Doritos (So, I like nachos)
- Yogo (Childhood regression)
- Pizza Shapes / BBQ Shapes (couldn't decide which one I liked better so I bought both and mini packets of each for my playlunches)
- Mandarins / Snow Peas (my tribute to healty eating)
- Jelly Babies (Fat Free)
- Choc-Cherry Drumsticks (again, the buy one get one free deal. Currently making sweet sweet freezer love to my crumpets)
- Microwave Popcorn - Lite (I possibly just picked up the 'Lite' version to justify buying it)
- Ham in a packet (Because the stupid deli chick was 'cleaning' all of the fresh stuff)
- Honey Soy marinade (to marinate ALL of the meat that I bought. IE - none).
- Vintage cheese block, vintage cheese slices and grated cheese. (You can never have too much)

Not exactly Jenny Craig stuff, is it? Probably not going to help my vow to be more fit and healthy. But have you ever noticed that all the healthy stuff comes in boring packets? If any supermarket-type people are out there - put the good stuff in bright packages so I will buy it. Pleeeeeeeease. It's no good learning how to strip if I don't look like Carmen Electra. Just a couple of pink packages for some low fat snacks, and I'll be happy.

Stay tuned for my next big shop, and I'll tell you if I get any better...