Amazing Homes I
If you like, I can be Deborah Hutton for a while, and take you on a tour of some of Australia's most fascinating homes.
Or not. I can just be Martie, and give to you what I promised - a guided tour of my very own palace.
Tonight, we're going to start with the courtyard:
Well, there's not a lot to see really, is there kids? Just some pavers, a few weeds, my magnificent gardenia bush that is threatening to bloom any minute now. And oh, what's that in the corner? IT'S A FUCKING SEAL CARVED OUT OF WOOD.
Let's take some time to think about this for a while - I have questions and I need answers.
Firstly, who carves a seal from wood? What fool with enough time on his hands, decides one day that he is going to carve a seal from wood, and flog it as a garden ornament? Goodness knows what else he's been'a carvin'. I might just put in an order for a Walrus - with extra long tusks.
Secondly, who THE FUCK buys ones of these crazy wooden seals? A crazy landlord that likes yellow benchtops, that's who! My seal friend is sitting there like he's like the overlord and protector of, well, my washing or something. Maybe crazy landlord has fond memories of his youth spent at Phillip Island, checking out all the crazy antics those seals get up to. So he decides to buy aforementioned seal, and place it in his courtyard as a tribute to the fun times? The mind boggles.
Anyhoo, as now I'm obviously going to have to live with the bugger, I have a challenge for you, wonderful readers. I'm going to pull a Melbourne Zoo on your asses, and you GET TO NAME THE SEAL!!!1! Interactive blogging is the future, mang. Unfortunately, I don't have access to a wonderful newspaper like the Herald-Sun to advertise my quest to name the little baby-waby sealy-wealy, so I'm going to have to rely on your word of mouth to get Melbourne Australia The World involved to come up with the perfect name
Here's a close up of Sealbuddy to help with your entry:
("Look! No acne scars")
No complaints about the grainy quality of picture either. I had to run out in my undies while it was raining to get that shot for you.
Start suggesting now. Competition fun blogging activity begins...now!
10 comments:
No complaints about the grainy quality of picture either. I had to run out in my undies while it was raining to get that shot for you.
What? No shots of that either?
You should name it Mary, as it looks like the Virgin Mary. PRAISE BE A MIRICAL!
Clitface. Definitely Clitface. I could have sworn for a second or two there that I was looking at a genital close-up.
Clarence.
Don't ask me why, but Clarence.
Sanford. No! Woodford. Woodford Sandford. Woodford Sealington the Fuuhrst.
My suggestion would to be to dispose of the seal and then engage the services of a talented Landscape Architect (me, note: very competitive rates!) and give your courtyard a good freshen up!
;-)
m!key
Yeah M!key has the idea. But rather than get a landscape architect like M!key, get a network architect in, like me, who can make it so you can blog in front of your seal. Really competitive rates. ;)
I'll make your courtyard WiFi ready in no time.
Oh, and you should also think of calling it, Fisty McDildo. LOLZ
I like the seal...she looks kinda tribal...perhaps just needs a better home...it cant bee nice out in the rain when you're entirely made of wood.After a while I would feel a little warped
Hambo - Grainy shots of me in my undies are coming up in further editions of Amazing Homes.
Hack - Genital close ups: see answer above!
Ben - Unfortunately, I may have already given another inanimate object the name Clarence. All may be revealed at a later stage.
Caz - Mang, this is the ONE!!!1! Probably could have saved myself a lot of time, because 'Alex the Seal' was my lyric of choice back in the day! Kicking myself for not thinking of it. Well done, you win...the seal's eternal gratitude for giving it an identity
Desci - Cannot contemplate Woodford - reminds me too much of fantapants tennis player Mark Woodford, and I'm not even going to subject a wooden carving of a seal to that. Although 'the fuuhrst" is growing on me.
M!key - As much as I'd like to have a hot landscaper in short shorts doing up my courtyard, I'm not so sure that my landlord would entirely approve. You're are welcome to come and quote anyday though!!!
Dollop - this is the very courtyard!
Miss Wendy - you're not really suggesting I bring the thing inside, are you!! ;-)
Dude, the most I can rustle up is a photo with the seal, and maybe a glass of Baileys? If you want, I can drive you past the 'neighbours street' too, but the seal's not invited.
Hmmm... I couldn't possibly provide a quote without a visit to the clients property, could I miss martie? Let me know when would be the most convenient time for you sweetie. ;-)
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