You got me feeling emotions
Whey-hey! I felt emotion today. What a fucking relief. Sure, it was paralysing fear, but you've gotta start somewhere, right?
Of course, my little visitor wasn't exactly waving at me, but the pictures of actual cockroaches are gross. I didn't want to, sully my blog or anything.
8:10am - Get out of shower. Nude. Notice big black spot above doorway. Scream. Realise it's not a man eating spider. Just man eating cockroach instead. Goody.
8:15am - Still paralysed in the one spot watching cockroach negotiate doorway.
8:17am - Decide that to tackle problem, I will need to get dressed. Scurry about room, taking care not to let it know that I was there, and nearly break neck from keeping an eye on it.
8:18am - Damn. It's disappeared onto the other side. Grab Homebrand Coles Spray & Wash. Lemon fragrance.
8:19am - Stand at doorway, gathering up the courage to run (or rather limp-run) underneath. Terrified of finding lounge-room wall covered in its friends.
8:20am - Take a deep breath and go as fast as my legs can take me into lounge room. Look up, and discover that I passed right underneath where Mr Cockroach was climbing. Shake out hair in case any fell in it.
8:21am - Waste precious minutes negotiating with cockroach. "Please, just get out of my house" "Fuck off out of my house, fucker" *Stamping Feet* "Go, just go. I'm going to be late for work" "Fine. Now I'm going to have to do something about this"
8:22am - Spray cockroach with Spray & Wash from middle of the room. Realise spray is not long enough. Inch closer, spraying as I go.
8:23am - Quarter of a can later, cockroach falls to floor. Ahah! But, look out. IT IS COMING RIGHT TOWARDS ME! Let off spray, then dive for handily placed broom.
8:24am - Watch as it heads towards the front door, but not quite. Build up courage to 'sweep' it towards door with (long handled) broom. I have this fear that it will have the power to get me, up through the handle. Ugghhh.
8:25am - Push cockroach too hard, with my mighty power fuelled by adrenline. Cockroach goes behind door. Spend anxious few seconds in close proximity while I try and work out where it is. Is all good though, as it crawls out from under the door, helping itself to death.
8:26am - Open wire door, and with one last mighty push, sweep cockroach onto driveway. Uh oh. It's not there. Panic, as I think it may be stuck on bristles, but it's only stuck on the little rise from front step. One more mighty push & it's out.
8:30am - Leave for work. Walk past cockroach on ground. Damn. Not dead yet. No wonder why they say these fuckers can survice a nuclear holocaust. NOTE: Did not step on cockroach, as have fear of it being able to attack me from beneath my shoe. Probably wrong move. It will now gather the reinforcements and come back for revenge, no doubt.
When I grow up, I want to marry a man who will take care of all the creepy-crawlies for me.
9 comments:
Uh, Martie... don't ever visit my kitchen after dark, mmmkay?
Might not be good for your continued sanity.
Hehehe. You should have seen my screaming like a little girl and jumping up onto my couch the other night when a cockroach crawled across my floor. Flatmate to the rescue.
That's the only one I've seen since I moved in. I maintain the flatmate has left food somewhere. I'm too clean for cockroaches.
Men aren't all they've cracked up to be - I'M the one who traps the little bastards under a glass and scoop them out the door...
Yeah, my boy's more scared of spiders than I am. Last time I had a big spider in my flat it took 45 minutes, three calls to my boy, starch spray, windex, a book, a spatula and a big garbage bag to get rid of it.
Flash - if it's that bad, then I probably shouldn't visit your kitchen during daylight hours either.
Puss - My mum maintains that cockroaches like clean houses. If this was true, I could very easily remedy my whole 'clean' house. Very easily.
Carlie - I agree. Huntsmans are far worse than cockroaches. I stand by my promise to my dad that as soon as I see one in here, I'm outta here until he finds and kills it. Even if it's 2am in the morning.
D - Fuck. Right. Off. Now.
Do you think I'm going to be able to sleep now?
Epen - You catch & release? That's insane. They'll only keep coming back. Eradicate, I say.
Roaches are nasty. When I was a kid in New York, I lived in an apartment that sheltered hundreds of them. When the lights went on, they would scatter. Great blog. I also appreciate your view in the comment you left on my blog. It's nice to get different points of views.
I jus cannae kill them, cap'n!
Martie, was it a breeding female? If it was, then thats why they can survive a nuke.
Anyway, I used to have a fear of spiders. I too would find that huntsmans would be stalking me, and then at one point, it started to seem like whitetails would do the same.
I got over my fear by catching the bastards and freezing them. Now me and spiders are friends. Everytime I see one, I microwave it on high for 30 seconds, then try to get it to bite me. I want to see if I can become spiderman, cause I want the girl next door. She is super clean, and just after 8 on Monday morning, I heard her screaming for a good 30 minutes. I was worried that she was being attacked by some evil people, but if I went over to save her, I might of been killed.
I wish I had spiderpowers. Why wont the spiders bite me? They just sit there on their backs with their legs all currled up.
My nanna broke her wrist trying to get away from a cockroach once.
If your friend does bring his reinforcements, I hope they are of the singing and dancing variety, as seen in the movie, Joes Apartment.
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