Martie goes to the snow

Whoa! It's been a fucking long time since I've posted. I'd like to tell you that I was whisked away to some tropical island; unfortunately I have just been busy and lack of internet access at home is killing me! Killing me, I tells ya.

So ding everyone, I went to the snow instead. Now, I was an absolute snow VIRGIN - never touched the stuff before in my life! So now I'm a snow bunny? Think again!

What I supposed was a weekend of skiing, ended up more like this:

Friday.

12pm: Meet at wonderful snow trip organiser's house. Chuck food into cars. Carefully place alcohol into cars. Set off.

1pm: Stop at pub and fast food mecca. Buy more alcohol. Buy some cheeseburgers.

3pm: Stop at another pub. Vodka, lemonade & lime going down well.

5pm: Arrive at lodge. Get started on the Absolut, interspersed with discontinued Cadbury's cream liqueur. Start a game of weird-assed estonial pool using discs instead of balls.

8pm: Sing along to Kevin Bloody Wilson, despite not knowing any of the words. However, my swear vocab is fairly well up to date, so don't need to stress too much. Did you know you can't say cunt in Canada??

10pm: Skip to pub. Drink. Scope the talent. Talk to lesbian sister of lodge manager. Stumble back to lodge.

Back at lodge, watch card games whilst stealing the porno cards to check out the rather huge DICKS on guys. No-one could add up to 21 - perhaps the distraction was too great.

Everything from then on until I went to bed is a blur. I know I was sending the jungle boy pissed text msgs, and I know that trying to get onto the top bunk was the FUCKING FUNNIEST THING THAT I'VE EVER DONE! Had to be there, and all that...

And that was just the first day.


Snow? What snow? The most I got up close and personal with the stuff was when we were walking back from the pub on Saturday night, and my friend was showing me how to make snow angels. I made a great snow angel. I might have slept there too, but for the fact that I knew there was a bottle of Baileys waiting for me at the lodge.


Anyone want to teach me how to actually ski????????????