There's not a nice bone in my body.

Best. Sex. Ever.

But I feel like a an absolute bitch.

Whilst in 'recovery' one afternoon, I was laying in Jungle Boy's arms, and for one moment, closed my eyes and I thought I was lying there with the Ex-Fucker. Not that he's been in my thoughts much lately, and not that I'd ever lay in his arms again, but the thought was there. And as soon as it came, it went again. That's not the point though - my concern is why it was ever there at al??

It was not unlike the 'crazy' Drew flashbacks that Steph on Neighbours has been having. Stupid life mirroring neighbours plot.

I'm also confused on another point: am I entitled to be a bit pissed at him because he didn't get me anything for our 'anniversary'? I bought him a pair of Astroboy undies & even wrapped them (a mean feat for me); we went halves on the accomodation and food costs, so it wasn't like he was 'taking' me there himself - in fact it was I that organised the whole thing.

I'm not meaning to sound so materialistic; but there's not even any signs of small gestures that I've encountered in every other relationship that I've had in the past. Maybe this is my first encounter with a new-type-adult-relationship; maybe I'm just overly generous to others and expect some of the same back?

Then I think maybe that with everything that happened with the Ex-Fucker, that this is my lot in relationships.

Sometimes I look at Jungle boy and see a funny, smart guy, with a great attitude and who knows what he wants.

Other times, I look at him and see a selfish, over-indulged little boy, who isn't used to sharing and doesn't want to learn.

Meanwhile, this coming Tuesday will have been one year since the Ex-Fucker would have proposed, if it hadn't of been for those telling events, Grand Final Night, 2004. I've Dr Craned myself, and I reckon I keep flashing back to Ex-Fucker because of the state of play with Jungle Boy.

Anyway. I'm going to try not to think about it again this year. I've already had my heart broken three times this year (two times Ex Fucker, one time the Athlete); I just wanna lay low now and see what transpires.