On the verge of throwing my fucking mobile off a cliff.
I really need to write this down, or I'm going to scream. So bear with me, and offer to ply me with vodka after I finish, please.
A very smart person remarked in my comments box a couple of weeks ago that I think too much about the Ex-Fucker and I want him back. Hello, reality.
It burns me up to think that he has a new girlfriend. He has even just been texting me wanting to talk, so I told him to talk to her, but 'he already has'. Fuck. I wanna go back to the days when I was the special one in his life and he turned to me first and everything like that.
It pisses me off to think of all the chances I gave him, and then when I fucked up, he wouldn't give me a chance.
It fucks my head in because he is a fucking idiot and I don't really want to be with him but I am INSANELY JEALOUS about him and his new girlfriend and I wonder if it's the Scorpio coming out in me. I think I just hate failing, and I view our relationship as something I failed in.
When I'm alone I want to cry, because when I was with him, I was never alone. We were nearly always together; hanging out; making mischief, talking. I get none of that with Jungle Boy. The emotional side of it, anyway.
For my birthday, Ex-Fucker used to go all out and spoil me and buy me presents - even if they didn't cost me a lot of money - that he'd put a lot of thought into. Jungle Boy bought me a perfume/body lotion set that was wrapped at Myer, and I'd never even heard of it before. If he really knew me, he'd know (or want to find out) that I interchange Hypnotic Poison; Chanel No. 5 & Rive Gauche depending on my mood. A box set is a cop out and shows that you haven't really thought about who the person really is. I'm not a perfume-gift-girl - and I hate when people don't wrap presents themselves.
I did could have had some birthay loving on Saturday night, but instead I drank more then went home and gave Jungle Boy a headjob that I can't actually remember giving. At all. I'm sure it was pretty crap, but seeing as though he doesn't make any attempt to stimulate me, let alone bring me orgasm, I don't care. At least the Ex-Fucker tried. I know he's like learning and shit, but I have needs too, you know.
The boy I met on Saturday night was cute-to-boot, but is now getting clingy, sending me messages calling me 'sweety' (sic) and asking how my day was. Plus, he's already been engaged twice and went to my school, albeit 2 years a head of me. Not cool. I was really fucking drunk. I was also a bit pissed off, because we'd really gone all out to do ourselves up to go out, and all Jungle Boy could say was "You look nice" while keeping one eye on The Mummy on TV. Cute/Clingy boy told me that I have beautiful eyes. Jungle Boy has never said that. Sometimes, the little things like are all I need. Ex-Fucker was great at it.
AND NOW HE'LL BE TELLING HIS NEW GIRL THAT. AYE AYE AYE!
I know jealously is ugly, and this post is ugly and incoherant and 1000 apologies, but I had to get this stuff out of my head and I have to ask if anyone has any suggestions on how to move on, I would be forever grateful. People keep telling me I'd get there - after a year, I don't think I'm anymore than half way there.
Promise much more birthday hijinks when I'm feeling better. And have played the crap out of Gran Turismo (PS2 'on loan' from Jungle Boy), to get it out of my system.
10 comments:
You need some revenge. Do something nasty to cause him some trouble and rest assured that in the end, he'll screw over his current girlfriend too, and maybe she's homicidal and she'll kill him and do the world a favour!
OK, perhaps a tad extreme, but you'll feel really good plotting the revenge, even if you don't carry it out.
If he has a lawn and he's the one who mows it, go get a bucket of gravel, and in the middle of the night, sprinkle it on his lawn. Stuff bananas up his tailpipe, send love letters from some stranger to his house so he has to keep hiding them from his girlfriend, call from a payphone and hang up so she gets suspicious. You get the idea ....
Man, that sound so familiar. I almost feel like even saying I forgive you, but I didn't do anything.
Here's hoping that JB pulls his head out of the sand and starts to "notice" you. If he doesn't, Im sure you'll be swept of your feet in a matter of seconds.
Wow Martie! I wish i had some advice. There is no easy or fast way to get over someone. When they move on and your own feelings haven't changed, there is no pain like it.
If i were you i would just keep myself busy, date heaps, go out, mix with new people and at least make him THINK that you've moved on and don't need his sorry ass. You may even have a teeny bit of fun in the process.
Jessica: Oh the revenge plotting we could do. Unfortunately most of that stuff is negated because the dick still lives with his parents.
Hambo: You're best. I do hope that you would have given me a birthday kiss as well a alcomohol discount.
Steph & Rigo: The whole dating Jungle Boy made him jealous. And, in the light of day when I'm no so hysterical, I'm just jealous, pure & simple. As for training JB - well, that could be something to keep my mind occupied.
A birthday kiss, cheaper grog, and maybe even more ;)
OMG I sound like a SMS text line now. ARGH!
Text me now.
lols.
Martie, I don't wish to be indelicate but ... erm ... have you spoken to your current bloke about the lack of stimulation.
If Hambo's not aware he's a dud root, he might just be a little more understanding if you tell him.
I think I needed a question mark in there somewhere, but you get the oi-de-er.
Hack, it's so hard to talk to Hambo. He just shuts me out these days.
I think I'll have to try the more direct approach of holding his head down and snarling "eat me bitch", for some Hambo understanding.
Weren't you going to break up with Jungle Boy?
What happened there?
The Ex Fucker sounds like my Ex 2.
The 'wanting to keeeeeeel him with jealousy' thing will subside over the years. Best way to quicken that is to just be your fabulous self and have lots of fabulous fun.
And Jungle Boy? If you don't tell him to shapen up, he'll never know and you'll just get angrier...
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