I'm doing it for the love of vodka, I swear...

Lemme get it straight - I'm only doing this because this vodka comrade tagged me, and I too, cannot resist the Big V or chocolate either. And possibly because even though I have a fuck off attitude, I think it would rude if I got tagged and didn't do it. But fuck off anyway. With love, of course xxx

Seven things I plan to do before I die

1 - Travel to England / Europe to study the history & complexities of the Royals & Aristocracy.

2 - Learn how to speak French

3 - Have a 69 on my 69th Birthday

4 - Meet Jonathan Brown

5 - Live by the sea

6 - Lose enough weight to become totally fabulous & buy a Tiger Lily bikini. Parade in front of the Ex-Fucker & anyone else that has been cuntish enough to give me shit over the years. Lots. (Petty I know, but these are MY seven things)

7 - Master the art of skipping

Seven things I can do

1 - Spend money

2 - Visualise interior design concepts and decorator ideas, albeit with no formal training

3 - Throw a right hand punch or hook. Hard.

4 - Drink as much Vodka or Baileys as I like, and not have to do wee. Excellent skill for crowded bars and vomit-y toilets.

5 - Send totally incomprehensible text messages when I'm drunk, but be able to decipher them when I'm shown them the next day

6 - Be generous to the people I love

7 - Enjoy my own company

Seven things I cannot do

1 - Forgive easily

2 - Tell the Ex-Fucker to fuck off for good

3 - go without showering twice a day

4 - Skip.

5 - Stand to see any animal suffering or in pain

6 - Say no to microwave popcorn

7 - Fashion my hair into a 'style'

Seven things that attract me to the opposite sex

1 - Dark hair

2 - Someone who understands emotions

3 - Looks good IN underpants

4 - Looks good in jeans

5 - Able to make me laugh

6 - 'Gets' women's problems!

7 - Can treat me like a princess, but can treat me also like an equal

Seven things I say most often

1 - Fuck off

2 - What the fuck

3 - I hate skipping

4 - I don't know what's wrong with your computer (insert name of incompetant colleague here). I don't work in IT

5 - Check out the mancandy over there

6 - Look at my new shoes

7 - I'll have a vodka, lime and soda, thanks

Seven celebrity crushes

1 - Jonathan Brown

2 - Tony Lockett

3 - Oliver Platt

4 - John Cusack

5 - Chris Chaney from The Living End

6 - Vince Vaughan

7 - Sam Worthington

People who need to do this

I'm breaking the chain here! So it's all bad luck for me, but I will leave you with seven 'tips', so you can have good luck. It's up to you if you want to continue...

Seven tips to get through life (thus far) by Martie

1 - Never forget what your parents did/do for you. And if they didn't do much or anything at all for you, learn from their mistakes and don't repeat the past with your own kids

2 - Don't leave your underpants on the front lawn after a big night. Especially when your Mum is the first up the next morning

3 - Never take anything at face value. Trust your instincts

4 - Learn to accept critiscm, but don't take any shit from anyone

5 - Drink Vodka

6 - Lobby for microwave popcorn to get its own food group

7 - Don't let people think they have control of you. (IE - Ex Fucker). Tell them exactly where to fuck right off to, and don't weaken to them.


Now, if only I could take my own advice re: No. 7....